i can't get to sleep so here i am up at this unearthly hour tho i know i've got a super long day ahead of me. i'm kinda in a whateveeeeer kinda mood right now. feeling all bottled up and so i need to vent. need. to. vent.
today(and yesterday) i broke quite a few of my own rules.
1. i looked down on myself
2. i let myself believe whatever i did was not good enough
3. i doubted someone really dear to me
4. i almost wanted to give up everything
5. i hated myself
gosh, seems like i need a psychologist or something. but no, i'm ok. just kinda in quite a bad shape right now. like a play-doh man who got punched in the tummy, all dented and misshaped.
it's just all like so sudden. and before i know it, one thing leads to another and here i am, living this vicious cycle of a nightmare. times like these just shows the ugly side of me. my weaknesses. i'm bad like that. i watch too much tv and read too much fiction. and so i think so much. blurrrrrdy. i'm pushing all these stupid thoughts out of my mind through both my ears.
GET OUT!
guess it all boils down to how you see life. how you choose to live it.
if you allow yourself to get hurt, you will get hurt.
it's hard definitely, but i can do it. takes time.
and see, i told you, whateveeeeer.
'nough of that. i hate it when i write such depressing things. alright, really wanna thank some people who've made some of my days wonderful and bearable amidst all these shit. yay :)
huiling and yumei
the best girlfriends i could ever ask for, really. for helping out in making the birthday cake. remember the squiggly letters we squeezed onto the cake? how ugly my J turned out. how yumei and i laughed till we were sprawled on the kitchen floor, to huiling's horror. how i kept complaining i needed to poopoo real bad. how yumei said she's never used that bamboo retriever thing. how we both looked up and got a shock at the variety of bras hanging up there. how we had to poke the chocolate sticks all the way into the cake cos' the box wasn't tall enough. how i tested the faulty speakerbox and rehearsed once to a giggling huiling. for all the laughs, hershey's kisses, chocolates, and good ol' sisterhood, thanks you two! :D
winnie, kaiping, vann, lio
for supporting me 100% on my crazy idea and telling me it's possible. for telling me to go all the way! for calming my nerves. for going up there to give me support. for making me realize that i live only once! alright, no regrets! :)
ms yuan pin
for her faulty screeching microphone speakerthing(which i didn't use in the end la thank goodness). but still, xie xie lao shi.
jeremy
for giving me this courage to do the craziest thing i've ever done in my sixteen years of life.
wee. quite glad to suggest going to glass house in the end. who'd have thought - a stage! and some real microphones. waaah, it all seems so surreal. i hope the birthday boy had an unforgettable one. :)
ending on a happier note. byebye!
let's waste time
chasing cars
around our heads
forget what we're told
before we get too old
show me a garden that's bursting into life
if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world?