so yes, these days things have just been going up and down for me. i can just suddenly feel so super stressed and everything will just go downhill. it got to the point of a nosebleed. i've never had a nosebleed in my life(until then). maybe i somehow concentrated all the stress and pressure on my nose and poof, some artery or another there burst. alright, bull theory.

anyway, that night was by far the worst night ever. and it just gets even more depressing when you look out the window and see the dark dark sky.. like it's somehow mocking you. anyway, thanks dad for accompanying me throughout that night. although i wasn't really listening to everything you were telling me but i really appreciated it.

just reminds me of the times when i was younger and i would tell him everything. i even remember telling him how this stupid girl in my school bullied me and i got so hysterical scolding her with all sorts of vulgarities i knew then that i started crying in front of him. but no worries, because i had dad!

i remember crashing my bike into my neighbour's while we were going down a slope and i ended with this big ugly bruise on the back of my thigh. during pe the next day we so coincidentally had to do gymnastics. and when it was my turn some idiot girls started laughing and pointing at my bruise. i felt damn horrible ok! when i got home, i told my dad and started crying again.

hahahahaha..

and all the while he'd be the calm one, telling me it's alright.

oh well, guess some things do change.

anyway, really, i think it's all in the mind. i've got to start thinking more positively and look on the bright side of things more! some things are just not worth making me unhappy and worried and sick.

many many thanks to the ones who made me see this. my bestest girlfriends holyho and yumei who called(in the rain somemore), mom, dad, and messages from you nice friends.. and of course, the one who gave me hugs at a time when i needed it most. the one who reassured me when i wasn't sure. my sunshine! hey jeremy.. thank you!

i think i'm a happy girl again. :D